Please, sir, I want some more...

I was just looking through some old photos of my gap year and was amazed that between a group of 20 of us, we had managed to eat in a vast amount of eateries in the space of five months. I am talking about 30 plus establishments in the country, which is quite impressive when a large proportion of our time was spent far from civilisation. There is nothing I like more than going out for food. If I could afford it, I would go out for dinner every single night of the week with a few lunches thrown in here or there. Not forgetting the odd breakfast.

There were six of us that were marooned in the Cloudforest for weeks on end. Some marajuana was consumed most afternoons when the rain came and invariably we got 'the munchies'. Sadly, all we had at our disposal were vegetables, rice, some homemade cheese (don't try this at home) and chocolate (something that I do NOT eat).

So we used to lie back and discuss what we would LITERALLY kill for. We used to dream of rare and tender beef, the sort of beef that just slides off the knife. Crispy Yorkshire puddings filled with gravy and some horseradish slapped on top of it. Pizza was another favourite topic of discussion. These sessions used to last for hours. So when we eventually left the Cloudy utopia for a weekend away, we would gorge ourselves by eating out for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. Anything and everything was consumed.

Nowadays, food is the hot topic. Healthy eating; 'Size Zero'; obesity; pukka food; pukka pies; celebrity chefs; and Turkey Twizzlers have dominated our screens for much of the last decade.

The traditional and original pioneers of 'celebrity' cookery in the shape of the austere Fanny Craddock and the prim Delia Smith were suddenly faced with an influx of competition from sirens like Nigella Lawson to shouty men like Jamie Oliver and the ridiculously cheerful Ainsley Harriot.





A veritable feast of cookery programmes have hit our screens. From Two Hairy Ladies and Ken Hom to Gary Rhodes and Two Fat Bikers or were the ladies the fat ones? I forget.

The Two Hairy Bikers are by far the greatest thing to happen to food since those bold French discovered that you could eat snails and that they taste even better when combined with garlic (the snails, not the French). They fearlessly go where no cookery show has gone before. Whether that be sampling the delights of the canine specie in the far east or dicing with the locals of Warrington.



My culinary skills were somewhat stunted from an early age. Both my parents are damn fine cooks and my sister ended up as a fully trained chef courtesy of Pru Leith and her rather sophisticated cookery school. So I was left with the 'essential' manual aspects, such as 'look for the spatula' or 'clean the whisk'. I have never quite developed a signature dish, but I have delved into the land of homemade pizza which is rather a satisfying hobby - not for the waistline!

Only the other day, news filtered through of a near disaster in a small town in Sweden. 20 Weight Watcher participants were gingerly queuing up for the post-Christmas weigh-in when the ground began to creak and eventually the floor gave way beneath them, sending them tumbling into the abyss.

"Hello and welcome everyone. I hope you had a good Christmas and didn't over indulge..."

CRASH

Apparently the cause of the accident is still being investigated - Tricky one, but I am minded to believe that too many complex carbohydrates were consumed. I do feel sorry for the Barophobic's meeting on the floor below, but at least their fear has finally been proven to be entirely rational.

I have two weddings coming up this year. The first being at the beginning of May and being the Master of Ceremonies, it is important that I look my best. The second being at the beginning of September, whereby I am the Best Man. So the aim over the next three months is to shed a stone and a half. Difficult perhaps, but not impossible.

One major factor that shall swing in my favour is living with a healthy cooking and eating guru. Joy, the Queen Munchkin (the Good Witch of the North doesn't sound quite so flattering), started her flagship business many moons ago to teach children (and parents) the benefits of and how to feed themselves a healthy diet. I would imagine you would need the patience of a saint at times, certainly when the flour comes out!

More details here - Munchkins Cookery



My arch nemesis is undoubtedly bread and the butter that adorns it. Avoidance of this will be the key to whether I man the microphone as a svelte host or whether I retain my 'bouncy charm'.


We shall see...

Without further ado (and if you haven't finished reading yet)

Quote of the Day: "One cannot think well, sleep well, love well, if one has not dined well." - Virginia Woolf

Word of the Day: Barophobia - The fear of Gravity.

Weight Watch: 15 stone and 6 pounds.