Doctor! Doctor!

(One for Scott and Wizzy)

Barrack Obama is visiting an Edinburgh hospital.

He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness, He greets one.

The patient replies:

Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm.

Confused and sporting a grin rivalling the Chesire Cat, the President moved on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle.

Now seriously troubled, Obama turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'

'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the serious Burns unit.



I can't claim any credit for that, but it did make me chuckle.

Anyway...

I managed to heave myself up to the Doctors surgery to register. I had forgotten how unique the British waiting room is. A wide collection of different people with differing ailments. I am not a regular attendee, but I always try and pass the time by guessing the illness of each particular patient. There are some obvious signs to look for, of course. A cough or a uncomfortable fidget are sure fire signs of influenza or piles, respectively. It is certainly more preferable than fingering through a germ infested copy of the December 1972 edition of the Horse and Hound

I had to announce my reason for wanting to see the doctor to a room full of coughing and fidgeting patients. So much for confidentiality! Reminds me of Dr Karl (of Neighbours fame), when he wasn't too busy curing an epidemic in the hospital, he used to march his patients out through a busy waiting room saying something along the lines of "Apply the cream twice a day Mrs Benzel, they should clear up in no time."

Something else that tickled my fancy was a small poster. It went something like this...

____________________________________________

Free Numeracy Classes for Single Parents

Children should be aged between 2 - 5

There are 4 classes being held between 12:00 & 16:00

18th March 2010
22nd March 2010
2nd April 2010
5th April 2010

____________________________________________


That's an awful lot of numbers. Unless I have misunderstood numeracy, I am minded to believe that there may be trouble ahead when it comes to the actual classes.

I was ushered in to meet a rather mad professor looking Indian lady, who was busy losing herself in a pile of papers. The doctor in question was aghast that I had not visited or needed to visit a GP for over 6 years (perhaps more), not as much as I was with her computer literacy or should I say illiteracy?

Apparently, my condition (depression) entitles me to a massive discount at the local gymnasiums. Exercise is good for the physical AND mental health. Instead of paying close to £50, I shall only be required to part with £11 a month. A bargain, I am sure you will agree. Not as much of a bargain as someone who is suffering from dual personality syndrome. That's a minimum of two members for £11 a month! I shall be sad to leave behind the personal trainers and buoyancy aids of David Lloyd, but what can you do?

Anyway, I have been prescribed a drug with a name that comes straight out of the Arsenal line up. Apparently it might make me feel slightly anxious and I should avoid alcohol. That should cheer me up..?


My blood pressure was relatively normal - thanks for asking - and I was shepherded up to see the nurse to finalise my visit. A rather switched on lady who promised to text me sometime this week. Getting texts from a nurse? Why didn't I think about signing up sooner.

Things are taking shape. Watch this space.


Word of the Day: Zeroable - Able to be * from a sentence without any loss of meaning.

Quote of the Day: "One can't complain. I have my friends. Someone spoke to me only yesterday" - Eeyore (AA Milne)



* Omitted: non-zeroable